True or false?! I claim true...
My family and close friends will always want whats best for me... as do I. Although, the book I've been reading has been giving me a lot of insight towards relationships. One of the chapters speaks on family and friends in your relationships. Your family will always wish to choose the person they feel is best for you, someone they think you will be happy with, someone who they believe will take good care of you. But at the end of the day, it's you who has to find someone for yourself because you are the one who will be spending time with this person on a day to day basis.
The book spoke on involving friends in your relationship issues and being careful to not be one sided in your stories - which I am guilty of doing. This is more than likely a result as to why Kaison's father has the reputation in my family and friends' eyes that he does. It takes two... and there are always two sides to every story. Although my best friend once told me there are actually three: yours, his and the truth. That sounds just about right if you ask me...
I've just been doing a lot of personal activities.. I've been doing a workout video every night, reading, and praying. I feel all three have had a very positive impact on my life. I do not go to church and I was never a super religious person, but I do believe God is doing his work for me as I have learned to just let go and let things happen as he lets them. I am finding myself in a very content and happy spot at this point in my life... and that's an amazing thing to be able to say :)
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Medicine & Praying
Well, I finally went to the doctor this morning!
I was given a precription for an antibiotic and a steroid and told to also buy some Mucinex DM... So far everything seems to be doing its job. I still cough, but not near as many times as I was before all of these medications entered my system...
On another note, I was about to rant about my son's father... but before I did, I actually had a little talk and prayed to God about a few things and I can honestly say I feel better. I no longer feel the need to come on here and vent about him like I was planning on doing it. Weird huh?
But its a good feeling not to feel the same anger I was feeling when I first felt like blogging about it. I'm just going to let it go, let it be because I know bringing it up here will only keep it lingering around longer than it needs to be. I am just going to say that I am happy that it is just me & my son and I love him to death!!
I was given a precription for an antibiotic and a steroid and told to also buy some Mucinex DM... So far everything seems to be doing its job. I still cough, but not near as many times as I was before all of these medications entered my system...
On another note, I was about to rant about my son's father... but before I did, I actually had a little talk and prayed to God about a few things and I can honestly say I feel better. I no longer feel the need to come on here and vent about him like I was planning on doing it. Weird huh?
But its a good feeling not to feel the same anger I was feeling when I first felt like blogging about it. I'm just going to let it go, let it be because I know bringing it up here will only keep it lingering around longer than it needs to be. I am just going to say that I am happy that it is just me & my son and I love him to death!!
Monday, August 16, 2010
WTF
Guess I got too happy too soon... or someone just doesn't want me to be happy.
Friday morning I was planning on calling into work to let them know I was going to come in late so I could go to the doctor for my cough.. well low & behold my cough was pretty much gone... so I think to myself... why go to the doctor for a cough that is no longer there?! But... this weekend it proved to be nothing but a lie... and as I sit here at my desk hacking I decided for sure I am going to the doctor tomorrow morning...
I've had so many cough drops in the past week my tongue is raw, it sucks...
Friday morning I was planning on calling into work to let them know I was going to come in late so I could go to the doctor for my cough.. well low & behold my cough was pretty much gone... so I think to myself... why go to the doctor for a cough that is no longer there?! But... this weekend it proved to be nothing but a lie... and as I sit here at my desk hacking I decided for sure I am going to the doctor tomorrow morning...
I've had so many cough drops in the past week my tongue is raw, it sucks...
Friday, August 13, 2010
Tweet Tweet!
"The pain of going thru change is better than the pain of putting up with a negative situation and staying stuck." - a tweet from The Daily Love
I absolutely love that.. it explains my situation on point!
On a side note: I guess God read my blog yesterday because today I have very minimal coughs, close to none! So they seem to be clearing up, thank goodness and thank you God! I was so miserable with them... I was planning on going to the doctor today for them until I realized I was hardly coughing today... so yay :)
I absolutely love that.. it explains my situation on point!
On a side note: I guess God read my blog yesterday because today I have very minimal coughs, close to none! So they seem to be clearing up, thank goodness and thank you God! I was so miserable with them... I was planning on going to the doctor today for them until I realized I was hardly coughing today... so yay :)
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Can't Take It ANYMORE!!
How much more crap am I going to have to go through before things start "looking up" for me? And I'm talking about my health. I say about 2 weeks ago I noticed I started having really bad headaches... daily. Along the way I've had a few people suggest taking allergy medication at night and try to get a good night's rest... well I finally bought some, and did... and the headaches started to subside.. that was relief.
Then, last week I noticed the side of my mouth was bothering me where I had bitten it one night while eating... by the weekend there were not one, but two canker sores on the left side of my mouth.. one on top of the other. One was bigger than the other.. and they were in the worst spot ever. My tooth constantly hit it when I talked, moved my mouth, or even smiled. So needless to say I didn't say much or give out too many smiles that weekend. The severe pain followed me to this week and at work. I did invest in Anbesol, but all that crap did was numb me for what felt like a half hour! Then it was back to the unbearable pain.. I'm surprised I haven't lost weight because I haven't been eating because it hurts to. I will admit the pain has significantly gone down compared to when they first appeared, but it still is painful to eat. As long as I don't move my mouth much I'm fine... I stopped using the Anbesol. It still hurts like a b*tch in the mornings when I brush my teeth though.. this might sound disgusting, but I haven't brushed the lower left half of my mouth since the sores have been there because it hurts like f*cking hell. And yes I'm cursing because it hurts that damn bad.
But no, it can't end for me there.. not with the healing canker sores. Since last week, I have acquired a small, yet consistent hard cough. It has been present ever since. I purchased Vicks Dry Cough and that crap seems to stop my coughing for a half hour as well, but the directions say to take every 6-8 hours.. How the hell do they figure this medicine is going to stop my cough for 6-8 hours?? I'm just so upset because I take the medicine that only lasts for about a half hour and then I'm just stuck having to deal with the cough for another 5.5 hours since I cannot take more. A good friend who works at a pharmacy suggested Delsym, but that crap is $10 a bottle, but I might be giving in today and buying some because I literally feel like with each cough I'm just going to die. And it makes my head hurt every time I do cough. It sucks because its just a hard, dry cough.. no phlegm or anything comes up.. its just a damn cough that won't go away. Its ruining my life.
I know I shouldn't be complaining because I have soo much to be thankful for.. and if a cough is the biggest complaint that I have to deal with then I should shut up. But its seriously feel like one event after the other; headaches, canker sores, chronic cough... when will my health go back to normal??? I don't feel like myself... I'm not able to interact with my son like I usually can because I'm always coughing.. I also try to stay away because he swings his arms and many times he's swung and hit me in the face right where my canker sores are.. hurt like hell. I know only good can come from bad, but shit, when is my good going to start coming??
Then, last week I noticed the side of my mouth was bothering me where I had bitten it one night while eating... by the weekend there were not one, but two canker sores on the left side of my mouth.. one on top of the other. One was bigger than the other.. and they were in the worst spot ever. My tooth constantly hit it when I talked, moved my mouth, or even smiled. So needless to say I didn't say much or give out too many smiles that weekend. The severe pain followed me to this week and at work. I did invest in Anbesol, but all that crap did was numb me for what felt like a half hour! Then it was back to the unbearable pain.. I'm surprised I haven't lost weight because I haven't been eating because it hurts to. I will admit the pain has significantly gone down compared to when they first appeared, but it still is painful to eat. As long as I don't move my mouth much I'm fine... I stopped using the Anbesol. It still hurts like a b*tch in the mornings when I brush my teeth though.. this might sound disgusting, but I haven't brushed the lower left half of my mouth since the sores have been there because it hurts like f*cking hell. And yes I'm cursing because it hurts that damn bad.
But no, it can't end for me there.. not with the healing canker sores. Since last week, I have acquired a small, yet consistent hard cough. It has been present ever since. I purchased Vicks Dry Cough and that crap seems to stop my coughing for a half hour as well, but the directions say to take every 6-8 hours.. How the hell do they figure this medicine is going to stop my cough for 6-8 hours?? I'm just so upset because I take the medicine that only lasts for about a half hour and then I'm just stuck having to deal with the cough for another 5.5 hours since I cannot take more. A good friend who works at a pharmacy suggested Delsym, but that crap is $10 a bottle, but I might be giving in today and buying some because I literally feel like with each cough I'm just going to die. And it makes my head hurt every time I do cough. It sucks because its just a hard, dry cough.. no phlegm or anything comes up.. its just a damn cough that won't go away. Its ruining my life.
I know I shouldn't be complaining because I have soo much to be thankful for.. and if a cough is the biggest complaint that I have to deal with then I should shut up. But its seriously feel like one event after the other; headaches, canker sores, chronic cough... when will my health go back to normal??? I don't feel like myself... I'm not able to interact with my son like I usually can because I'm always coughing.. I also try to stay away because he swings his arms and many times he's swung and hit me in the face right where my canker sores are.. hurt like hell. I know only good can come from bad, but shit, when is my good going to start coming??
Friday, August 6, 2010
No more expectations
I'm losing all "expectations" I had for him... I should never have had any to begin with.
I'm losing all contact with him... I have made the decision to not contact him, although if he contacts me that is fine (but I'm not gonna hold my breath on that happening)...
You cannot get upset at someone who gets upset at you because you won't handle your part of responsibility... every time it gets to his week... all hell breaks lose.
A lot of people say I shouldn't cut ties with him... but all these people who tell me this do not have to deal with the stress I deal with.. wondering will he pick up his son? Will he actually pay daycare? Will he even contact me back regarding his child? I am so tired of the stress... and the only way I can eliminate this unnecessary stress that has been dragging me down is by eliminating the cause.... him.
I'm not gonna listen to anyone else anymore on the matter of "keeping his father in his life" - I did my part and my son deserves better than that.
I'm losing all contact with him... I have made the decision to not contact him, although if he contacts me that is fine (but I'm not gonna hold my breath on that happening)...
You cannot get upset at someone who gets upset at you because you won't handle your part of responsibility... every time it gets to his week... all hell breaks lose.
A lot of people say I shouldn't cut ties with him... but all these people who tell me this do not have to deal with the stress I deal with.. wondering will he pick up his son? Will he actually pay daycare? Will he even contact me back regarding his child? I am so tired of the stress... and the only way I can eliminate this unnecessary stress that has been dragging me down is by eliminating the cause.... him.
I'm not gonna listen to anyone else anymore on the matter of "keeping his father in his life" - I did my part and my son deserves better than that.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
This was enlightening to read...
http://hubpages.com/hub/What-you-should-know-about-Georgia-paternity-and-family-law
"For starters, establishing paternity through voluntary acknowledgement or even a DNA test in Georgia does not grant a biological father any rights, visitation or custody....
causes for termination of parental rights - neglect, physical/sexual abuse, drug or alcohol related incapacity, best interest of the child, failure to pay child support, inadequate effort to maintain contact, record of abuse/molestation of another child, record of neglect of another child, found guilty in the death of another child .....
child born out of wedlock - A child who is born to parents who were never married and have no intention to marry. By default, mothers gain exclusive rights to children born out of wedlock and thereby have sole custody and sole power of attorney to make all parenting decisions for the child....."
"For starters, establishing paternity through voluntary acknowledgement or even a DNA test in Georgia does not grant a biological father any rights, visitation or custody....
causes for termination of parental rights - neglect, physical/sexual abuse, drug or alcohol related incapacity, best interest of the child, failure to pay child support, inadequate effort to maintain contact, record of abuse/molestation of another child, record of neglect of another child, found guilty in the death of another child .....
child born out of wedlock - A child who is born to parents who were never married and have no intention to marry. By default, mothers gain exclusive rights to children born out of wedlock and thereby have sole custody and sole power of attorney to make all parenting decisions for the child....."
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Detox Diet
I would just like to state that today, I am going to start a detox diet.
What?! A diet you say? Yea, it feels weird saying it myself too, but it really consists of me drinking lots of water (which is something I should be doing already)... along with eating fresh fruits and vegetables (another thing I should be doing) and exercise!
I've never been one to exercise to be honest, so I'm not sure how much of that will actually be done, if any at all - but I know I can definitely do the water and fruits & vegetables! I just need to stock my apartment up with them, that's all... easy said, easy done, right?
I just really feel like my body needs this. I've been feeling sluggish, lazy, and I just started getting headaches daily... it sucks. So I'm really hoping to keep up with this, because I'm tired of feeling the way I feel now. Time to start taking care of my body!
What?! A diet you say? Yea, it feels weird saying it myself too, but it really consists of me drinking lots of water (which is something I should be doing already)... along with eating fresh fruits and vegetables (another thing I should be doing) and exercise!
I've never been one to exercise to be honest, so I'm not sure how much of that will actually be done, if any at all - but I know I can definitely do the water and fruits & vegetables! I just need to stock my apartment up with them, that's all... easy said, easy done, right?
I just really feel like my body needs this. I've been feeling sluggish, lazy, and I just started getting headaches daily... it sucks. So I'm really hoping to keep up with this, because I'm tired of feeling the way I feel now. Time to start taking care of my body!
Monday, August 2, 2010
How Do I Be "Okay"?
Looking at pictures of families having fun with their babies on vacations, or just out and about anywhere saddens me right now...
It saddens because my baby doesn't have that right now. How do I learn to be okay with the fact my baby does not get to share in that sort of experience right now (and who knows how long until he can... if I find someone else to be with - in the distant future)? How do I be okay with the fact that holidays will be spent separately for my baby, and that he has to go back and forth every week from mommy's house to daddy's house, and then back to mommy's? I just don't know how to be okay with all of this.
But the bottom of the line is, mommy & daddy's relationship just doesn't work out... it didn't before, and it won't in the future. I held on hope that maybe we can repair what we had, and join back together to be a complete, happy family.. but that is just a fantasy, not reality. I've woken up from that. Now its just a long process of accepting that and moving on...
It saddens because my baby doesn't have that right now. How do I learn to be okay with the fact my baby does not get to share in that sort of experience right now (and who knows how long until he can... if I find someone else to be with - in the distant future)? How do I be okay with the fact that holidays will be spent separately for my baby, and that he has to go back and forth every week from mommy's house to daddy's house, and then back to mommy's? I just don't know how to be okay with all of this.
But the bottom of the line is, mommy & daddy's relationship just doesn't work out... it didn't before, and it won't in the future. I held on hope that maybe we can repair what we had, and join back together to be a complete, happy family.. but that is just a fantasy, not reality. I've woken up from that. Now its just a long process of accepting that and moving on...
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