Bad Dream

I hate having bad dreams.. I hate waking up from bad dreams... I hate being alone when I wake up from a bad dream...

Last night's dream was pretty weird. I can't remember how it started off.. but somewhere into it I was involved in an event that happened a long time ago. Some boat was sinking, but it was a smaller boat, not the Titanic. We were in a huge pool, so that was odd, but saving ourselves from a sinking boat was made easy. Then I remember going to a huge house with all the people on the boat - no familiar faces at all were around me. Then I remember someone said that we have no time because "the British were coming! the British were coming"... and the next thing I knew a group of us peeked through the blinds in a window and saw an entire troop of a British army right in front of the window. I remember a woman saw us peek through and looked in and pointed at us... and I remember hitting the window back. Then we ran...

Someone first tried hiding in an attic, but for some reason that didn't work. Then I remember getting on top of a refrigerator... and trying to use all the stuff on top of there to hide me. At one point it worked... then someone came in and said to use a blanket so I did. The British never came in the house and got any of us... but some mafia gang did. They were in the house and they slammed someone's face against the wall and gave them a huge knot on their head, but no blood.

I tried covering myself with the blanket while I was on top of the fridge, but as soon as they walked in I had everything covered except my head. One of the mafia guys walked over to me and picked up the blanket  a little and put it back down. From that point I didn't move and just tried pretending like I wasn't trying to hide from them. I kept hoping my "cuteness" would save me.. and I guess it did because the gang never messed with me, or anyone else for the rest of my dream.

Then somewhere further along in my dream I ended up in a house. I was with my mom and there were "vampire-like" people in there.. doing harm to people. I told my mom to run with me to escape them, and to not go to any familiar house that they could connect to us. I told her "Run to Aunt Susan's!" So we did, and we escaped them... but then I somehow found myself back in the same house and spending the rest of my dream protecting Kaison.. and another baby. Apparently I had twins or something in my dream. But I spent the rest of my dream so scared that the vampires would try harming him.. I was scared to death. More scared than when "the British were coming" and the mafia gang and found me. This dream woke me up at 3AM. I stayed up until 430AM.. needless to say I'm sleepy.

Being the person that I am.. I googled what the meaning of being chased in my dream might mean. All the results I came across stated that I am running away from something, not necessarily a person... possibly a feeling. After sitting on it for quite some time, I think I have an understanding of what my dream meant... and what I was running away from, and why I was protecting my son...and even why my mom was the person to escape with me. Regardless, it still sucks to have a bad dream...

Time flies... Or does it?

It's only been a little over a month since I've moved out and have been single.. But why does it feel like it's been so much longer?

I've been doing good.. I'm trying to take on something I've never taken in before... And that's freelance jobs for graphic design. Might as well put whatever skill I gained during my 4 years at AIA to use. I have a potential client.. And I say potential because I don't believe I "have" them until I do something for them and get PAID for it. I sure hope they take me on! I could definitely use the extra money.

As for school.. You'd think I'd be done after 4 years of attending but I'm not.. Still a few more classes to go. And then I just transferred to the Art Institute of Pittsburgh's online division. I won't be able to start until August but that's fine with me! I'm so tired of school but I just keep holding on so I can at least get my degree.

It's amazing how much has changed in a month.. From one extreme to the next. I will say it is nothing new though but still amazes how "fast" it's changed even though not much time really has not passed. I'm nervous about what will happen next. Whatever it is, I'm doing what's best for me.. And my son.

An Idea Brewing...

http://www.joinred.com/aboutred

I'm sure you've seen them before, the (RED) products... be it iPhones, iPods, t-shirts, lap tops, shoes... anything! Its an amazing concept with an even more amazing cause.

Speak Up and Be the Voice

My previous entries have been nothing about the drama going on with my baby's father... but today I want to write about something bigger, and more important than the drama going on in my life...

At the beginning of the week while I was doing a Google search for the MTV show Teen Mom, another result came up that caught my eye. It read: "Police: Teen Mom Put Newborn in Trashbag - Las Vegas News Story". I, of course, clicked on the link to read more about this story.

Then for some odd reason, I decided to watch the news report video they had of it. By clicking the link to this video, it forever changed me. It wasn't the video of the teen mom that got to me, it was of another video that happened to be underneath it. This video broke my heart to pieces and opened my eyes. No child, or even adult person, deserves that sort of treatment. I'm not sure if I'm more aware and feel effected about this sort of abuse because I am a mother now, but I feel moved to try to make more people aware of it.

I want to strictly target abuse towards infants, the ones who cannot speak for themselves. It just breaks my heart that something so precious and innocent would ever have to feel any pain inflicted by the hands of another human being. I've started a Google search on infant abuse, and not much comes up, not even a site created specially for it. I think its because its combined in with the category with child abuse, which is it just that. I just feel abuse towards infant needs a voice of its own.

I know there are millions of cases of deaths of infants due to abuse, but I've only been exposed to a small handful, and so far that's been enough to move me to further educate myself and hopefully get to a point where I can educate others. So far, this article was the only thing I've read that has called out infant abuse, although it mostly speaks about the abuse from shaken baby syndrome, the most common form of abuse towards infants. I want to expose the other forms of abuse that exist.

This is a big project for me to organize and take on, but it is something I feel strongly passionate about doing. Babies need a voice, and I want to create one for them.

Baby Ina Jane McElheny & Brianna Mariah Lopez - both of your stories have inspired me. Neither baby deserved to die from abuse, but both of them did because no one spoke up for them.. no one was their voice. It saddens me that their lives were shortened so severely, but through their stories they are inspiring me to hopefully create a voice and save the ones who still have a chance.

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