Looking at pictures of families having fun with their babies on vacations, or just out and about anywhere saddens me right now...
It saddens because my baby doesn't have that right now. How do I learn to be okay with the fact my baby does not get to share in that sort of experience right now (and who knows how long until he can... if I find someone else to be with - in the distant future)? How do I be okay with the fact that holidays will be spent separately for my baby, and that he has to go back and forth every week from mommy's house to daddy's house, and then back to mommy's? I just don't know how to be okay with all of this.
But the bottom of the line is, mommy & daddy's relationship just doesn't work out... it didn't before, and it won't in the future. I held on hope that maybe we can repair what we had, and join back together to be a complete, happy family.. but that is just a fantasy, not reality. I've woken up from that. Now its just a long process of accepting that and moving on...
Kasey! Don't feel that way! You are so amazing and I'm sure Kaison will know that you have truly tried to give him everything he deserves.
ReplyDeleteIt's not his fault his dad is a complete idiot who doesn't pay for his son's well-being!
Sometimes those families that are all together aren't as happy as they seem. Maybe sometimes it's for show.
That is true... I just keep seeing so many kids and even celebs on tv that talk about "my parents split up when I was younger..." and then go on to talk about how badly it effected them!
ReplyDeleteI don't want to mess up anything for Kaison! Although, it is probably best we are split now while he is young and is "clueless" to it as opposed to when he is older and can understand what is going on...